Fatherly advice (bless it)

My benefactress told me last night that my dad, bless his heart, was concerned about my latest blog post re: Tebow, and that it my 'strong opinions' may adversely affect my employment prospects. I was nonplussed for the following reasons:

Number 1. The idea that my readership might ever be high enough to ever adversely affect anything is a thrilling if unlikely prospect.

Number 2. I live in Prague where everyone is vaguely unimpressed about everything in the first place, let alone some American football player and some American's opinion about him.

Number 3. For every Tebow lover out there, there are probably 2 Tebow haters. The odds are ever in my favour.

Number 4. Would not wish to work for invasive, theoretical company that stalks my facebook profile so hard they 'hack into it' as my mother suggested, just to find my insignificant blog with which they will justify not hiring self.

Number 5.  My username on this blog is 'feministfascist.' Surely that is a greater reason not to hire self for the mere promise of extreme opinions. Further, anyone with 'feministfascist' as their handle surely must be expected to hate Tim Tebow and similar. Cannot be surprising.

Number 6. The William Lloyd Garrison quote which is my life's mantra surely precludes self-censorship.

"I will not equivocate, I will not excuse, I will not retreat and I will be heard."

Number 7. Perhaps most importantly must keep true to my New Year's Resolutions as best as possible. I refer the dear reader to 'I will not' section 6 of the Resolutions, which reads 'Lie about my ideas, my life, my thoughts and opinions, or myself to make other people feel better somehow'. As I was previously wavering in my resolve to abide by this resolution, I can proudly report to not having fallen at first hurdle.

Love the lovely father and his benefactress wife (my mother) for being concerned, and as ever he has sensible and thoughtful advice. This will be one of those potentially regrettable times I don't follow it. I will retreat into my Tebow-trolling lair:

This bitch.

Not to go all political-blog on you, buuuut...

I hate Tim Tebow. This is not a secret, and it actually has lost me facebook friends! Which is maybe so pathetic, but it seems to be the case.

But this dumb bitch, according to TV Guide, is doing something to make me hate him even more:

New York Jets quarterback Tim Tebow is scheduled to speak at a megachurch in Dallas whose pastor has spoken out against Muslims, Jews, Mormons and members of the LGBT community.

Tebow is listed as a special guest at one of the First Baptist Church's morning services on April 28, according to its website.

The church is led by Evangelical pastor Robert Jeffress, who has previously denounced non-Christian religions such as Islam, Judaism and Mormonism. Leading up to the most recent presidential election, Jeffress warned parishioners that re-electing President Barack Obama would "lead to the rise of the Antichrist," according to The Christian Post. While denouncing the repeal of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell," Jeffress also declared that 70 percent of the gay population has AIDS, and referred to it as "a gay disease," according to ThinkProgress.org.

Tebow has made no secret of the fact that he's a devout Christian, but has shied away from taking a stance on controversial social issues.

First the anti-abortion bullshit, now this. He makes me want to vom. The only gratification is knowing what a shitty football player he is. Everytime he gets up to speak, I'm just like...

His momma made the wrong choice. #sorryimnotsorry

A little survey

I've had a posting deficit, so this little survey looked fun to fill out.

1. State your name:
 Paul-John.

2. State the name that your parents almost named you:
John Robert was a close one, but they didn't want me to be like JR off Dallas. Mom told me that if I had been a girl I'd have been Amanda. Just call me Mandi.

3. Which of your relatives do you get along with the most?
My mom and my dad and my sisters and my aunt and my cousin obviouslyyyy.

4. What was your first job?
Blockbuster Video, WOW! What a difference!

6. Did anything embarassing happen this week?
Something moderately embarrassing happens to me every week, but I'm going to say it was my unreasonably strongly-worded defense of Demi Lovato when my student said her voice sounded 'electronically helped.'

7. Do you miss your ex?
Sometimes.

8. Do people praise you for your looks?
Umm.

9. What is your favorite color of clothing to wear?
Anything NEON! Neon yellow, neon pink, neon green, neon blue... the more offensive to the naked eye, the better.

10. How do you wear your makeup?
I wore mascara once at the behest of my friend and it seemed like a dreadful thing to be constantly encumbered with.

11. What are some of your nicknames?
Peej, Péj, Paja by certain Czechs... Pavlíčku-Honzíčku??

12. How many bedrooms are in your house?
Three.

13. How many bathrooms?
Two, thank heavens.

14. Do you have a job?
Yes. This is starting to feel judgmental.

15. Do you have a car?
On another continent, yes!

16. Do you work out every week?
Umm, I dance to k-pop routines by myself in my room and do cardio. That counts?

17. Did you brush your teeth this morning?
Ew, yes.

18. Have you ever kissed someone you never saw again?
Yes, and if you haven't you're not doing it right.

19. Have you ever sang in front of a crowd?
Yes, a few times.

20. What kind of bathing suit do you wear?
Little trunks.

21. Do you like your eyes?
Yes actually, love them badly!

22. Do you think you are pretty?
I feel charming, it's alarming how charming I feeeeeel

23. Who was the last person you talked to in person?
Laura Jane, Shannon, and Henry

24. How much money is in your checking account?
This is definitely judgmental now.

25. Are you single?
Yes.

26. Do you want kids?
Yes.

27. Tell me what your back pack looks like.
Well, it's certainly not a Jansport canvas thing.

28. What celebrity do you think is hot?
Most of them?

29. Last movie you saw in theatre:
Les Misérables

30. Are you dating the same person you dated last year?
I'm not dating anyone! More sexually consistent though.

31. Has someone you were dating ever cheated on you?
No.

32. Have you ever cheated?
Never!

33: Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’?
Yes.

34: What do you like to do in your spare time?
Answer stupid surveys, evidently.

35: Do you add randos who request you on facebook?
Ya, totally.

36: What’s the cutest thing someone’s ever done for you?
That's too much sharing.

37: Who was the last person you texted?
That was back in like... October, but it was probably Shannon or Dada.

38: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have?
A few!

39: How do you look right now?
Sporty Spice outfit on.. trainers, tee, hoodie, baggy trousers..

40: Who’s the person who first comes to your mind when someone mentions “love”?
Right now, it's TaTa, because she asked me to be her Valentine!

Keeping Self Honest: Progress Report on New Year's Resolutions

So in the interest of being honest and true with myself and my resolutions that I made in good faith last month, I am going to do a brutally honest self-analysis of my progress thus far, step by step and resolution by resolution.

I WILL:

1) Join gym and obviously lose 3000 pounds in one month (maybe just remove two zeros for purpose of ease [surely attainable?]).
          1a) Lose my 'New Jersey 10' with alacrity (good progress already made in this front owing to poverty diet and stark lack of any delicious things at home).

Status of resolution: Total success on Prop 1A! Was right about poverty diet. Mixed success on Prop 1 as have not joined gym as yet due in large part to previously mentioned poverty but have lost more than mere New Jersey 10 in one month.
Prospects for future: Outlook good. Feel inspired by New Roommate already joining gym inside a month of being here and wish to continue to improve self as best way to obtain healthier social life, self worth, and similar.

I WILL:

2) Be diligent about invoices, attendance sheets, timesheets, and similar.

3) Learn how to actually do invoices.

Status of resolution: Total success. Have learned how to do invoices at long last and have developed system for self wherein will never be late with timesheets and attendance sheets and invoices ever again, thereby avoiding terrifying threatening emails and text messages from financial.
Prospects for future: Outlook good. New system totally in place with no signs of falling at last hurdle.

Impressed with self, obviously.

I WILL:

4) Find time to sing as have discovered thanks to time with Yolanda that it greatly improves my mood and generally makes me feel good. Also surely must be type of exercise?

Status of resolution: Mixed success. Recognise this as superfluous resolution and no longer entirely convinced of value of maintaining it, at least not as dubious exercise routine.
Prospects for future: Outlook mixed. Too shameful to walk round house singing at top of voice all the time, but will continue to seize private opportunities.

Cheryl says nahh.

I WILL:

5) Pay all bills on time instead of letting phone, internet, etc be turned off owing to late payment of minimum payments.

Status of resolution: Outright failure. Aforementioned poverty and lack of timely paycheque from work has resulted in the continuation of turned-off phone service. Continued fear that payment on last day of payment tomorrow for internet will result in interrupted service again. Must call company and explain situation. Sure they will be understanding.
Prospects for future: Outlook mixed. In quagmire of bills, as am now faced with 1900kč monthly social security tax payment and 1500kč fee for end of energy bill in flat. Hopeful about phone being turned on next week with arrival of paycheque tomorrow and payment of other essentials.

 Doubtful.

I WILL:

6) Try new recipes more frequently instead of falling into dreadful rut of making same successful recipe every night for 3 weeks.

Status of resolution: Mixed success. Have successfully taken on delicious new recipes, but have fallen into same habit of making successes over and over ad nauseam until supplies required for recipe run out.
Prospects for future: Outlook good. Feel prepared to continue to try new things, taking inspiration as always from creations of Laura Jane's perpetually interesting cookery.

I WILL NOT:

1) Bitch about missing Tandrew, Alice, Meghan, Simona et al but instead invest time into finding new friends (ideally the more permanent variety).

Status of resolution: Total success. Still missing lovely friends yet have adopted healthy 'if you love them, set them free' style attitude towards whole thing.
Prospects for future: Outlook good. Promising new social calendar and lovely new friends comprised of expats and students.

Self at parties??

I WILL NOT:

2) Let self become bone idle, lazy, demotivated, or sedentary. Will sit with computer at kitchen table instead of tucked away in bedroom like some sort of elderly recluse on disability.

Status of resolution: Total success. Not sure about this one actually but Laura Jane says have been total success. In fact, am seated at kitchen table right now, and have partaken in lovely crafting.
Prospects for future: Outlook good. At least for the minute, am more content sitting here writing than would be if I was curled under my duvet watching Project Runway.

I WILL NOT:

3) Maintain habit of binging and purging re: blogging, i.e. going for days and days without posting until it all comes to a head and I vomit sixteen topics in one sitting.

Status of resolution: Total failure, as evidenced by today's and recent blogging activity. Have not posted in over a week, yet am doing my third post of the day already. Definitive binging and purging.
Prospects for future: Outlook dire. If being totally honest about it, don't see this changing, but will continue to make best efforts.

Representative of the eagerness with which I should approach blogging.

I WILL NOT:

4) Be in any way habitually negative or self-pitying as continuation of last two years' resolutions (only resolution which have ever kept).

Status of resolution: Total success. Have not sunk into any debilitating funks for more than two days at a time, and am always successful at pulling self out.
Prospects for future: Outlook good. Winter fades and with it so too the potential for Generalised Pissed Disorder (new candidate for DSM?).

I WILL NOT:

5) Close self off from opportunities in work, love, or social life. Instead, will extend self more and put self 'out there', as they say, though am unsure and uncomfortable about where exactly 'out there' is. Sounds dangerous.

Status of resolution: Total success. Have done exactly as resolved to do, with tremendous results. Feels like a major personal victory.
Prospects for future: Outlook good. Found that it is easier to keep self in this state of mind than anything else. After all, "Worrying will not change the outcome."

I WILL NOT:

6)  Lie about my ideas, my life, my thoughts and opinions, or myself to make other people feel better somehow.

Status of resolution: Total success. Well, so far at least, but has not yet been really tested as such. Will know more when faced with relevant situation.
Prospects for future: Outlook mixed. Resolve may fade when faced with relevant situation.


So there we have it! A frank and devastatingly self-aware assessment of status of life and resolutions. Will continue to monitor these as the year progresses.

 

Martian Rubber Bands

In Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, there is a theory that men are like rubber bands. It is as follows: Men have an “intimacy cycle” where they get close to a person, enjoy the intimacy, and then need to back away and retreat. They eventually become saturated with self-time and come in for more intimacy.  It’s a cycle, and a vicious one at that. Until recently, my only self-examination of my relationship philosophies has been as follows:

Now, though, upon further reflection, I have accepted that in terms of the MAFM,WAFV psychology, I am the emotional Venus of most equations regardless of my sex. I do not have these inclinations of withdrawal because I am not an emotional juvenile like most of the rest of my sex. But I am also a champion game player, and while I may be clueless about the psychological or physiological reasons for anyone's actions in their private and personal lives, I AM a winner at all costs. This is a game I can play, and when I play a game, I like to win. So I have a new combat strategy of nonchalance to my personal life. We'll see where the Martian rubber band flings me.

On the other hand, tendency to be a hermit does suggest there is yet some Mars left in me. Hmm. Speaking of same, must remind self to harangue Laura Jane into forcing me into be a better person re: leaving room, keeping blog updated, etc.

Valentine's Day Massacre

So this week marked my 27th Valentine's Day as a single. It passed, as it usually does, without event or fanfare. Normally, my resentful and hate-filled attitude towards V-Day and those who celebrate it is as follows:

I am typically without, as evidenced by the above, any sort of V-Day spirit.

However, this year I felt that the time for negativity about my most dreaded and single-guilt-inducing holiday had passed.

In the spirit of V-Day, I donned my lovingest valentine-red tee shirt, and embraced the madness with Open Arms like Journey and/or Messiah Carey. I did music lessons about love songs in all my classes (music lessons on Thursday are abysmal as future note to self as listening to same songs over and over in 6 consecutive classes is maddening trichotillomania-causing endeavour) and tried to spread as much Love Holiday Cheer as was humanly possible with no significant other or real prospects for same.

Apparently, no one else was on board.

Karma showed me how irritating and depressing I must have been to everyone else over the past years of life by having my students be overwhelmingly negative and cynical about 'commercial holidays' and 'silly American traditions'. Felt self grow so chippily resentful as day passed that by the last class, I was like, 'we are going to listen to LOVE SONGS and you're going to LOVE IT because it's VALENTINE'S DAY and you all LOVE English and LOVE me.' Was a bit, counterintuitively, belligerent about love. Was a bit like this:

Oh well. By the end of the day was treated to leftover coq-au-vin from Laureš's romantic V-Day french-style dinner date (after Aleš tried unsuccessfully to make me go by flowers for Laura when I walked in the door) which was v good. Not ashamed to admit eating it also following day when was sitting cold on the kitchen counter. Still delicious.

Also enjoyed Shannon's visit to discuss her résumé which she could not, inexplicably, figure out how to open on her computer (nor on mine as neither of us rich enough to afford luxuries like Microsoft Office) during which I probably terrified her again with my silent end-of-12-hour-day surliness. Lucky to have prends who understand my passing moods.

And speaking of lovely prends, just back from BRUNCH with Laura Jane at Bohemia Bagel. What in the world is better than starting off your day with a mimosa, super strong coffee, and huevos rancheros?! Nothing, that's what.

It's happening again.

So, it's happening again.

Friends with whom cannot live without (slightly dramatic interpretation of future events necessitated by looming despair) have begun to moan about Prague and talking about all the places they'd rather be and where they're going next etc. It's the moaning about Prague that maybe peeves the most. I still feel, after more than two and a half years, that I'm lucky to be here, that I'm happy with my life (less than ideal financial situation notwithstanding), and that I am both too tired and too satisfied to want to wander on somewhere else. Besides, hello. Prague.

How much do you really have to complain about? Really? We could be back home stuck in a dead end or we could be here forging names and lives of our own for ourselves. Even at my poorest and lowest, I'll take the latter.

In the past the offenders of this grievous Crime Against Me have included some of my best friends (Tandrew). I bore it all as best I could at the time, choosing to smile through my gritted teeth instead of unleashing some probably unfair rage in their direction. And of course, when they left, it sucked and a big piece of my Prague heart went with them, and in the weeks after their departure I started doubting myself. I asked questions like, if they want to leave so badly, shouldn't I? Aren't I in more or less the same situation as them? Same age, same kinda jobs, same or similar problems? It took a while of an ugly funk before I began to grow indignant with myself for asking stupid questions. I am happy, I am content, and just because those closest to me sometimes aren't, doesn't mean I need to feel the same way. Why should I care what dictates the paths other people take?

I don't care. But unfortunately I have this obnoxious personality trait that when others who are close to me are experiencing extreme moods, I seem to soak them up and they become my own. Tara knows every day she came home pissed, I would soon be pissed as well. Once she tried to hide that she was pissed so I wouldn't be pissed residually. It didn't work.

So I promised myself that if it started to happen again, I would speak up and say something, and then otherwise be a good friend and normal person who could listen to friends' problems without taking them on myself or being pissed at them for having them.

Cut to present day, where the latest offender of the Paul-John's Hate Crimes Act is none other than essential, life-enriching besty Shannon. At first I actively participated in Shannon's ideas and plans about leaving, since she was saying it would be more than a year away and wish to be good, supportive friend. Slowly it became a topic which has appeared every time we see each other. And I guess last night I was too tired and beer-loosened, and I had to open my mouth and say something.

Was probably more curt than was necessary, but feel I explained self reasonably, and in true Shannon form (thankfully for me) her response was more 'Got it. Cool. Slow down with the moving talk' than 'How DARE you?' But it was essential manoeuvre of self-defense! If not, was about to be mired deep down in stress and angst which do not need. And I wasn't wearing my bullshit-wading boots.

Then of course I felt bad for shutting her down, and she probably was terrified of me, like the time she said 'you would like this song' and I replied 'Fuck you.' Come to think of it, she must have been, because not twenty minutes later she was like, 'Sooo, are you mad at me, for anything right now, orrr...?' Was glad that she asked because if being perfectly honest about it did look sort of pissed, but only owing to fatigue.

Spent the day, much against my New Year's Resolution, in bed-swaddled funk. Then as I was enjoying the brisk coldness of the balcony, one of Shannon's road trip songs (Can't Go Back, by the Weepies) from the Croatia trip came on my iPod. Some of the lyrics struck me as poignant and befitting my mood:

I can't really say why everybody wishes they were somewhere else

But in the end the only steps that matter are the ones you take all by yourself

So Shannon, me and you walk on, walk on, walk on, cos you can't go back now.

And in future, will try to be more gracious in social situations featuring conversations which do not want to hear:

"Well, do you have any money, dear?"

Yes. That's right.

"Well, do you have any money, dear?"

That was the humiliating question posed to me by my mother, or as my father calls her, my benefactress. I should say he calls her that in between his riotous, hooting gay laughter at my expense over the other end of the telephone.

And the answer to that question was no.

I know. It is pathetic. But is actually not my fault this time! For reasons cannot explain or even quite comprehend but due to circumstances almost entirely out of own control, have not been paid since November 15th. Which has elicited this reaction from me:

 
Consequently, am a pauper, and without benefactress, would be destitute and this would be me in a matter of days:

That's right. I'd be raggedly and poor on the streets like Éponine, wailing about being on my own or similar, stealing from people and being scrappy but lovable tragic hero etc. Except would not die in act of heroism but more likely from starvation owing to fear of being caught stealing. Hmm. Poverty diet on whole new level? Would probably be very thin after few months on streets. Hmm, no, though. See fat homeless people all the time (good shelter food?).




Hmm, what else... ohh, I knowww...

 KATIE'S BIRTHDAY!

In other news, yesterday waaaas only one of the greatest people EVER's birthday, my sister Katie!

Hurrah!! Left her birthday card while I was home that was received, I hear, with TEARS! Ha! Success!! Not sure why tears at birthday cards are my family's united goal every card-holiday, but they are. So in the success meter, mine obviously ranks very highly.

Only sucky part is missing birthday festivities with them. Cannot believe has only been a mere 13 days since Shannon and I came home!

So, to my family, a million of these, courtesy of me via Teresa Giudice:

Speaking of Shannon, I also apparently inadvertently guilted her into calling Ta Ta more often. So this is my special shout out to the lovely Ta Ta, Mom Mom, and Pop Pop down in the big Stratford En-Jay. I do what I can, Ta Ta! Love y'all...

It is snowing in the lamplight outside my window right now and I feel like, since I live in Europe, should do something like make tea and sit in window with book and watch the snow fall. Will probably end up making tea and watching bad reality TV, but it's a good start. See y'all later.

New Years Resolutions

Am safely back in Prague after three week marathon holiday in the States. In this post I shall review the successes and failures of my trip home, as well as my resolutions for the new year.

My Holiday Goals In Review

To begin, I will review the goals of my trip, colourfully highlighted (highlit?) for successes and failures.

1) Spend loads of quality time with Mom, Dad, and Katie. Success!

Soaked up as much family time at home as possible. Lovely hugs and warmth and comfort all in glorious cheerful Christmastime spirit. Only failure was inability to pack them all in Lady Baltimore to bring them home with me.

2) Spend loads of quality time with Yolanda. Success!

My beloved car, a spritely little banged up Scion xA called Yolanda, was finally back in my grasp. Oh, the untold hours we spent, depositing and collecting Shannon, making runs to QuickChek for coffee, driving all over creation with friends for the sake of it, singing at the top of our voices together... I miss her dearly already. Must more seriously investigate shipping her over here. Aleš tells me car insurance is only 5000kč a year! Imagine! 5000kč! That's significantly less than my monthly rent (about $250, for intercontinental readers).

3) Visit Caroline in Montréal. Failure! 

Had every intention of taking a day trip up to ma terre natale (not actually terre natale but at this point who's counting and might as well be anyway) to see Care, but the ends of holidays are always too hectic. In the end was not possible. However I am determined that it shall happen in summer. Would hate to hit the three year mark.

4) Visit Ms Ledford and Dr Donna & Diane. Success! and Failure!

Successfully spent lovely time with Ms Ledford over stemless glass of white wine in the living room I feel I partially grew up in, meeting her new cats and catching up on love and hugs. However, did NOT manage to make it to my old job at the chiro office to see my former boss and co-pilot of the reception desk. Miss them dearly.

5) Mend broken fences namely Sara and Lauren. Success!

Spent wonderful few days in Florida with my sister Sara (and whole family) talking everything through and reconnecting with her on mature adult level with excellent talks and Moscato (did not care for that 'rosé' imposter Moscato at all though). Also rekindled things with my childhood best friend Lauren, whom I missed dearly and was glad to find in best condition of our lives: looking great, sounding great, with her lovely great boyfriend. Also had to walk away very fast at end of night so could not be seen trying not to cry when she told me she still wanted me to be her Man of Honour.

6) See high school friends. Success!

Jen and Tracy and Steph and Danielle and Nikki and Ashley and Kristen plus newer but kindred spirit friend Lea... not everyone I wanted to see, but a decent effort! Had the best time at Sunset Grill, reconnecting with Jen just like we were never apart, and FINALLY duetting with Tracy to Wilson Phillips at karaoke. Feel like that was a life goal achieved. Plus a lovely time at Nikki's NYE Party, during which she may or may not have gone to bed while I was still on the balcony. It's her quirks that make her so loveable, after all.

7) Bring home loads of things from New Jersey. Failure!

Another good intention gone awry. Simply did not have enough room in normal sized suitcase plus Lady Baltimore for foodstuffs and books and other things which would have surely enriched life in Prague. Am however generously equipped with Kindle fire thanks to benefaction of endlessly thoughtful and helpful parents.

8) Explore psyche of 17 year old cousin, mainly for scientific curiosity. Success!

As it turns out, my cousin has turned into quite a fantastic young man. Rather enjoyed his Bay Area laid back attitude and his mature insight. Hope he will visit soon. Did not get as much time as would have liked with Aunt Linda though...

New Years Resolutions

Have never historically been successful with these, so I am going to try combining lofty high minded goals with attainable short term goals in interest of not feeling self-defeated by February.

I WILL:

1) Join gym and obviously lose 3000 pounds in one month (maybe just remove two zeros for purpose of ease [surely attainable?]).
          1a) Lose my 'New Jersey 10' with alacrity (good progress already made in this front owing to poverty diet and stark lack of any delicious things at home).

2) Be diligent about invoices, attendance sheets, timesheets, and similar.

3) Learn how to actually do invoices.

4) Find time to sing as have discovered thanks to time with Yolanda that it greatly improves my mood and generally makes me feel good. Also surely must be type of exercise?

5) Pay all bills on time instead of letting phone, internet, etc be turned off owing to late payment of minimum payments.

6) Try new recipes more frequently instead of falling into dreadful rut of making same successful recipe every night for 3 weeks.

I WILL NOT:

1) Bitch about missing Tandrew, Alice, Meghan, Simona et al but instead invest time into finding new friends (ideally the more permanent variety).

2) Let self become bone idle, lazy, demotivated, or sedentary. Will sit with computer at kitchen table instead of tucked away in bedroom like some sort of elderly recluse on disability.

3) Maintain habit of binging and purging re: blogging, i.e. going for days and days without posting until it all comes to a head and I vomit sixteen topics in one sitting.

4) Be in any way habitually negative or self-pitying as continuation of last two years' resolutions (only resolution which have ever kept).

5) Close self off from opportunities in work, love, or social life. Instead, will extend self more and put self 'out there', as they say, though am unsure and uncomfortable about where exactly 'out there' is. Sounds dangerous.

6)  Lie about my ideas, my life, my thoughts and opinions, or myself to make other people feel better somehow.


That's all for now! Check back soon!

Behind schedule... or on it?

I haven't updated in 'a few days', so I am a little behind schedule... orrr, maybe, since I knew this would happen, am actually on schedule... hrrmm...

But I realise I have a dedicated fanbase now (hello mom and Caroline), so the show must go on. I will try to play some catch-up today, still borrowing from Laura Jane's topics from last month.

What do you think people misunderstand about you most?

I don't look like a very friendly person when my face is just sitting in its neutral position. I look either aloof or unfriendly or judgemental or any number of things which am really not. I make terrible first impressions, as Andrew could tell you, and it's something that happens constantly. I just don't look very nice. So I have to amend this by walking around like a lunatic smiling at passing strangers so the world doesn't think I have an axe to grind against it.

I'm a happy person, I swear.

This is something Laura and I have shared and recognised in each other from the time we met 14 years ago. It is our own personal cross to bear.

Alternatively, I also have a very expressive face when it's actually doing something, so I can almost never successfully hide my emotions. It's written all over my features. If I'm sad, pissed, happy, incredulous, fuming, it shows. Especially if I'm fuming. Which to be honest is easily triggered.

Make this face fairly frequently if being perfectly honest about it.

List ten things you hope to be remembered for.

Hope am not dead anytime soon or anything, but if I was going to kick the bucket, I think the following would be nice to believe I was remember for.

1) My loyalty. I'd never betray anyone and once you've earned my trust, I'll have your back forever. It's even tattooed on my wrist.

2) Being warm. I value warmth in people, so I hope my friends and my family and my students think of me as a warm person.

3) Being strong. I have gone through some thangs in my time and I have come through them like a champ. I hope people would see that.

4) My passion. I only feel things intensely, whether good or bad. In the wise words of modern philosopher and Real Housewife of New Jersey Danielle Staub, 'Love me or hate me, there is no in between with me.'   

5) My excellent, if specific, music taste. I hope at my funeral someday the sounds of Girls Aloud and the Sugababes will blare from the speakers. And if I die before Katie, may they play 'Shame' by Monrose so we could have one last laugh together.

6) Being a good son and brother. My family means everything to me, and I hope in my time here I will always make them proud of me.

7) My fearlessness. I jump into things with both feet in and I am proud of how I have lived my life, learning from my mistakes and forgiving myself for them.

8) Doing something nice. I hope that for every important person in my life, at one point or another done something for them just merely because I love them, and I hope those little moments meant as much to them as they do to me.

9) My future family. Someone special in my life? Kids one day? Hope in my future there's something more to leave behind.

10) My devastating wit. Am not that clever actually, but I'd rather my funeral be filled with laughter from memories than sadness.

That was way too heavy. Hope am not dead soon. Must find cheerier next topic.


What's your favorite part of  your body and why?

 Not my eye, obviously, but startlingly similar colour.

My favourite parts of my body are my eyes. Maybe that sounds cliché but it's not just the dreamy grey-green colour of them, but it's the intensity people say they have behind them. I have heard a stare from my eyes can do a lot of damage and a lot of seduction. Pretty psyched about that. They are forces to be reckoned with. Too bad they can't see for shit without contacts in!

Have other favourite parts of my body too but this is not that sort of blog.


What is your language of love?

Speaking of those other favourite parts of my body, according to my quiz results, my language of love is...

Physical Touch

"A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, and thoughtful touches on the arm—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive."

Well, everybody knows I am a hugger! Yet am never surrounded by fellow huggers. So this one goes out to all the special huggers in my life. You know who you are!

That's all for now y'all! See y'all soon!

Dear Laura Jane...

This is my open letter birthday card to my flawless roommate Laura Jane, who today is celebrating 'the third anniversary of her 25th birthday.'

We're pretty cute.

Dear Laura Jane,

On your birthday, I would like to tell you some things.

You are all of the following:

 

- A keen container collector.

- An excellent craftswoman. 

- Gorgeous in spite of newfound fear of necessity of anti-aging creams.

- Warm and caring, bitchface notwithstanding.

- Hilarious, particularly when unintentionally.

- Stylish, chic, and classily glamourous. Excepting your fondness for false eyelashes (and my inner gratitude for your inability to apply them to yourself).

- An acclaimed (by some, like me and my Mom) writer and blogger

- A great wit in manner of Oscar Wilde, Dorothy Parker or similar. Or at least Bridget Jones.

- A bright spot in every day.

- The type of friend who never judges, only supports.

- The type of friend who never forgets her friends, no matter how awesome Donut is (and he is admittedly awesome).

- The type of friend you can always lean on, get solid advice from, trust for good matchmaking, and just generally rely on.

- Somebody who never forgets what's important.

- An uplifting presence in everyone's lives.

- One of my very best friends.

LJ, you're the greatest. I hope your birthday is as fantastic as you! I shall do my best to help it along the way.

In conclusion, I offer an 'oath' from one of today's great thinkers and philosophers, Cher Lloyd:

'Wherever you go, just always remember
That you got a home for now and forever
And if you get low, just call me whenever
This is my oath to you!'

 

LOVE YOU BAB!

 

<3 Paul-John. Or Peej, depending on your mood and inclination.

"Who the hell is on your background image?"

What an excellent question, I'm so glad to have been asked.

This gorgeous face is that of Deana Uppal, second runner up on last summer's Big Brother, British-Indian queen and sweetheart of British nation tbh.

A few words from Deana:

Deana is so surprised and delighted to see you here.

Deana is amused by yet disdainful of your ignorance of her.

Cruel, cruel Big Brother. How dare you ask my Indian princess to eat Spam?

Deana pretending it's difficult to eliminate her competition.

Deana vindicated by the public vote. Adoring fans number in the tens of millions, no doubt.

5 Hobbies

I suppose these are fairly tied in with my 5 Passions, but I will try to diversify. I always struggle when people ask what my hobbies are because anything I can think of makes me sound boring or nerdy or similar. I want to say ''I'm a keen horseback rider and I've recently earned my solo skydiving certification!'' when the answer closest to truth is ''Laying in bed watching videos on youtube.'' Sad, sad.

With that in mind...

1) REALITY TELEVISION
''You're only relevant cos I'm talking to you, bitch!'' - Tami Roman, Basketball Wives

Survivor? Big Brother? Celebrity Big Brother? Real Housewives of Anywhere? Basketball Wives? Any Kind of Wives? There is not a single reality show that I won't give a try, and bonus points if they involve people being calculating, strategic, or downright rude with each other. My dad would classify reality TV as ''Number 86 in the decline of society'' or similar but I merely enjoying peering into the seedy world of backbiting and backstabbing. I like a good drama, so when it's [loosely] based in reality, even better. Ooh, can't wait for Celeb Big Bro to start up again next month.

 Just a little taste of the only Basketball I'll ever be interested in.

2) POLITICS
''On se crache dans les mains et on recommence. [we spit in our hands and we start over]'' - René Lévesque

I am a confirmed political junkie. Sit me in front of C-SPAN or  any terrible 24 hour new network and I will be glued to the screen. Election Day is my favourite holiday, and the election season beforehand elates me. Show me the polls! Who's running where! How many women can we get in the Senate this time! Who's corrupt in the Czech parliament now! Karolína Peake did WHAT?! I swear, it's crack for me. I'm addicted, and I'm not ashamed. I belong in political consultancy. The Bloc Québécois would have never fallen to a measly 4 seats in the Canadian House of Commons under MY watch...

Prime Minister Julia Gillard of Australia giving an amahhhhzing speech labeling the leader of the opposition a sexist and a misogynist. Moments like these are why I love and believe in politics and government. Yesss for feminism on the forefront!!

3) PEOPLE-WATCHING
''People are funny looking.'' - my Dad

This is a family habit of mine, I think. My sisters, my mother, and I love to sit and watch people and especially eavesdrop on other peoples' conversations. My Dad, St. Paul, is not so much interested in listening to other people, but he is interested in looking at them. And his sage conclusion is that they are funny looking. And they are. Just look at them. Go on. Take a minute to look out the window and really stare into some faces. This blog will wait here for you to get back.

See? Told you.

The other great thing about people-watching is when you overhear conversations that are just too good to be true. Like the one Sara and I overheard in St-Maarten between a mother and her daughter. ''RAY-CHEL! Be very careful over there, there's dangerous currents!'' Or just listening to waitresses with strange accents. ''Can I have a Coke?'' ''Shuawuh.'' And I apparently missed one perfect conversation that my family heard in Vermont this past weekend that included the phrase ''the hats and curls club''. Amazing.

The kind of dreadful things you can witness while people-watching on public transportation, for example.

4) TRAVEL
''Not all who wander are lost.'' - J.R.R. Tolkien

Not to go all pretentious-expat-I'm-SO-worldly on you or anything, but I do seriously have some wanderlust. Frankly, I'm kind of amazed that Prague has kept me so long - and doesn't show any signs of letting go of me. I honestly assumed that by now I would have traipsed off somewhere else. But the great thing is that here in the centre of Europe, it's just a hop skip and a jump away to any number of fantastic (fabulous! divine! as Nikki would say) destinations. Traveling has been one of the many perks of living here, and I'm going to let myself be a little smug and report having travelled to one degree or another to 14 (CZ, SK, D, F, FL, A, I, SLO, HR, H, BiH, SRB, MNE, PL) different countries since moving here. Okay, maybe one or two of those I saw for a hot minute, but still, it's another thing to tick off on my list. Favourite places? The ridiculous ones, like Liechtenstein, and the emotional ones, like Italy. And also Budapest. And all of Croatia. And, obviously, Bosnia. And Novi Sad, but only when pronounced in Shannon's voice. And next week, it will become 15 when Shannon and I do Portugal! One night only, limited engagement!

Totally loved this song as a kid. And still do. Inspiration of my wanderlust? Perhaps.

5) MUSIC VIDEOS
''Once again, I bury my head in shame.'' - Monrose, 'Shame'

Maybe this is a copout, but I totally don't care, because I am obsessed with watching music videos. The drama. The overacting. The over enunciated lip-syncing. The dance routines. The astonishingly high or embarrassingly low production values. I love it all. There's nothing more cathartic than sitting down and watching a string of my greatest hits! K-pop and girl bands, of course, are the most important in this category, but I appreciate all good videos. The more melodramatic, the more it takes itself seriously, the better for my amusement.

An example of the sheer melodrama of these three German goddesses, in a song Katie and I know as well as we know our very own souls.

Pet Peeves

I feel like this is going to be harder and also feels slightly megalomaniacal to sit and rant about things that annoy me. I'm not sure I can even get to 10 given what a positive lovely mood I'm in owing to Lucky Day of yesterday. But I shall endeavour to do my best.

My ten five pet peeves...

1) Chewing sounds
I don't even like my own, but when people chew really noisily I want to scream, vomit, throw things, run away. I sometimes start talking louder and more so that I don't have to hear it. This is an unfortunate pet peeve to have as there seem to be loud chewers whom I love anyway in my life.

2) 'Calm down'
The last thing I want to hear when I am aerated is someone telling me to calm down, or chill out, or relax. It has the exact opposite effect, wherein my face goes red and I'm suddenly bellowing ''CALM DOWN?? HOW DARE YOU!!'' It's just not a good idea. Nothing will frustrate me more.

3) Paul? John? John-Paul? Jean-Paul? JP? PJ?
I don't feel like Paul-John is a terribly hard name to understand, but inevitably, everyone messes it up. I have heard every single variation of my name you could imagine. The worst is that everyone thinks they are clever. 'Ha ha, Pope John Paul!'  'Ha ha, peanut butter and jelly!'  Yes, you're so witty. No one else in my 27 years has ever come up with that. Paul and John are two of the simplest, most common English names, yet when you put them together, they blow minds.

4) Pretentious expats
I'm with Laura Jane on this one. There's nothing so dreadful as an expat who is smug simply because they are an expat. If you have a hipster beard, call yourself a member of the intelligentsia, make sweeping generalisations about Czech people in serious contexts, or if you have ever talked about philosophy over a beer with friends who do the aforementioned things, then congratulations, you're a pretentious expat.

5) Things left in the sink
I'm really pretty reasonable and understanding about what goes on in the flat, and lord knows my room has been a disaster area a time or two (though it is immaculate now and staying that way). But bedrooms are private spaces. You know what's not a private space? The kitchen sink. I don't want to see your food dregs or your soapy dishes for six days. Vom.

I didn't even get more than half way through, y'all. My good mood is insurmountable. Maybe will revisit the topic when cranky.

5 Passions

Since I'm trying to play catch up and as sure by now must have a devoted following of millions, I'm going to swing right into my newest post: 5 Passions in my life. I'm probably really too passionate about everything and my opinions are super strong about everything even when mundane. But I'll take a shot at the 5 most important to me.

1) FEMINISM
''I will not equivocate, I will not excuse, I will not retreat, and I will be heard.''
William Lloyd Garrison, 1832, in defense of women's rights

This one is obvious. Nothing can make me more alive with impassioned energy than any challenge to feminism or the rights of women. Not sure where this comes from, but think I was pretty much born a feminist as I was harassing my Catholic school religion teacher about abortion by the time I was 10. I must have been a suffrage activist in a previous life, or Margaret Sanger's apprentice. 
Some of my feminist heroes: Empress Maria-Theresa, Libuše, Naomi Wolf, Frederick Douglass, William Lloyd Garrison, Susan Faludi. ...And Bridget Jones, obviously.

2) QUÉBEC and its SOVEREIGNTY
 ''Est québécois qui veut l'être.'' 
René Lévesque, defining Québec as a place where those who want to be Québécois simply are.

Québec had my heart from the moment I first crossed the border, and it still has it to this day, but I was interested in sovereignty from the first time I heard about it in Mr. Wozniak's class in high school. I wanted to know why they wanted to separate, what had happened in their history to make them feel so strongly nationalistic. When I learned, and later when I moved there, I totally understood why. Québec truly is its own place, with its own culture, its own language, its own story to tell, completely separate from that of Canada. I spent two years working for the Bloc Québécois and it still feels like the most valuable thing I ever did. It's a cause I believe in, and I still imagine myself someday in Chicoutimi, growing old with that frontier town. Included in this category is my lifelong passionate love for the French language... but only in a Québec accent with a bit of joual thrown in.
Some of my québécois heroes: René Lévesque, Jacques Parizeau, Pauline Marois, Gilles Vigneault, Thérèse Casgrain, Gilles Duceppe

3) FAMILY
''We are a??''   ''FAMILY!!''  ''And we??''   ''LOVE EACH OTHER!''
My family's battle cry, coined by my parents and drilled into our heads

My first two passions were based on my own personal pursuits, but this passion is who I am, it's what I feel in my blood and what means more to me than anything in the world. I was blessed, as previously mentioned, with two amazing parents and two fantastic sisters, and without them, I'd be nothing. Not to mention my aunts, my grandma, and all my friends who comprise my second family. 

4) GIRL BANDS
''I've seen life burn bright, I've seen it shimmer... then fade like starlight into a glimmer
I've seen life flow by like a river, so full of twilight, dreams that glitter''
Girls Aloud, Call the Shots

Some of my students like to make fun of me because I am basically physically incapable of creating a music lesson without the use of one or more girl bands. By now they are familiar with half of the Sugababes discography. One in particular dryly observed that they are all the same, but I beg to differ. They are varied goddesses of the highest degree. Even Holki, the Czech girlband that my students side-eye me for loving. I only know one person who shares my passionate love for them, and that is Matthew... it is a bond that has us inextricably linked.
Some of my girlbands: Girls Aloud, Sugababes, Monrose, Little Mix, TLC, En Vogue, Nonstop, Holki, the Saturdays, No Angels, 2NE1, SNSD, Miss A... and Fifth Harmony?

5) K-POP
''I love you every day in every way, neul saranghae!''
2NE1, I Love You

My other musical obsession, as all my friends know, is Korean pop. There's a piece of my heart somewhere in Seoul. No music makes me dance more, or feel better, than a good K-pop tune. I know everyone's in love with Gangnam Style, but if they would only delve deeper into this wonderful world of music, they would discover the endless pool and perfectly crafted pop and love it as much as I, and now some of my friends, do.
Some of my K-pop artists: SHINee, 2NE1, Big Bang, Miss A, Suzy, Sistar, Kim Soohyun, BoA, SNSD